I was asked this question last week. Put on the spot by my co worker's boyfriend. My answer to this question was, well someone told me they love me this morning. Which was the truth as I told myself, God told me and my mom told me all in the same day. I know that's not what he meant by asking such a question, but it was the answer he got. That question bothered me. I haven't been in a relationship for 5 years. Some sort of self imposed exile. But to tell the truth, I didn't want to be in one then and I don't particularly want to now.

But why does everyone else have to throw in their 2 cents about what I am doing?

I have become too content with being alone. I realize that. I do so many things by myself and I'm un-phased by it. It doesn't bother me to just do things I enjoy without another person's company. I don't think that's a problem. I truly enjoy my own company. I say I want to date, but I haven't even been trying to date. And everyone has there opinions about it. I am going to work on not caring. I have all the power in dating, and I'm going to start using it wisely....when I feel like dating. I want a brownie, with ice cream. <~I say that before I'm about to do yoga and go back to bed. Smh.

I'm having a mature moment. I think I'm "over it". It happened, it was fun while it lasted but something better is coming. That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. I can't even complain. It's almost a feeling of relief compared to what I used to feel.

I feel like I'm ready to finally put it behind me, no longer let it define me and just go forward. And it feels so good.

Today was not a good day for me. First, the power was out. Then I needed my tire replaced after I bumped into a curb. So while I'm on the side of the road I call my parents. That's the first peope I think of calling. Basically, they are out of state. My brother has class. I don't want him to miss class, so I volunteer to change the tire myself. Not once does my dad stop what he is doing to even call and help me or ask if I'm okay or tell me what to do. That hurt. All day that's pretty much all I thought about how he didn't even call.

He just got home and tells me to come downstairs and he lectures me on how I damaged the rim and the tire will be hard to replace. Not once was there a how are you. Nothing. Yes, I hit something. I admitted to that. It busted the tire, the rim is damaged. But never did he even show an once of care about me. The person who was stuck on the side of the road for two hours. Like he didn't even care. But in reality. He has almost always been like that all my life. Then I ask him why he didn't even call me he says he was busy cutting grass. What the heck is that? You cutting grass was more important than what was going on with me?? That's what it sounded like to me. So rude. He tells me common sense would tell you to call 511. I didn't know that. He tells me...everyone knows that. Okay maybe you should have reminded me by coming to the phone when I needed help. 

I just don't understand it.

Of course, another part of me was frustrated because I didn't have a significant other to call.  But that is another entry. I can't help but ask myself is this why I have such negative feelings about dating. Or why I'm not as interested as I should be. It's borderline pointless to have someone in your life who can't help you when you need it most. I'm always doing things for myself that quite possibly my dad should be doing. Things he should be taking care of sometimes. This whole super independent mindset that tells me I have to do everything for myself because no one is ever going to be there to do it for me. I mean I honestly felt like nothing when he told me that. Seriously??? You were cutting grass? I wasn't important enough for you to stop cutting grass? That hurts.