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Wednesday, 14 September 2011

  • Disorganized Uncertainty

    Every time things aren't quite "right" in my world I think about coming back to Xanga. I love the support here. Looking back on where I was a year ago, and it definitely makes me sad. Basically, I left my job. But the logistics of "how" it happened were just crushing. I felt like my boss was envious and vengeful, I was sick of being there and difficult. All of those things were a volatile combination that summed up a recipe for disaster. Honestly, I feel fortunate that I don't have to be there. I can't believe that I let it get that bad. Seriously, I was miserable. Now looking back, I realize that I left because I wanted to avoid going through what I'm experiencing now which is: disorganization and a period of uncertainty.

    But I'd pick this disorganized uncertainty over being at that job.





Saturday, 07 August 2010

  • I Think I'm Depressed

    I think I'm depressed. Sometimes I don't want to go anywhere or see anybody. I've avoided 2 family reunions this summer and usually spend Fri./Sat. nights out of the limelight. I'm content with where I am but I'm not over the moon about it. And I'm so caught up on where I want to be that it is challenging to appreciate where I am at times. I'm not down all the time but it's somewhat like a roller coaster. Ups/downs and upside downs.
    I need to stop stressing out and worrying so easily and just relax. I fail to do that. Almost like I don't understand the word sometimes.

    Relax.

Monday, 05 July 2010

  • Currently
    Foxy: My Life in Three Acts
    By Pam Grier
    see related

    Rooting for My Failure

    This was an interesting 4th of July weekend for me. I spent the better part of it all alone -by choice-. I felt like I just needed to be by myself. So I skipped out on my family reunion -shocker-. I know that sounds flat out selfish. But based on the last few family gatherings I have attended I just don't feel any sort of support from my family at all. Anything that I do accomplish just isn't enough. Everything that I am doing is just mediocre. It's not good enough that I haven't accomlished more or that I am not out on my own.

    Perhaps these are my family's thoughts but for the most part they are a culmination of what I already think of my own situation. I'm always pushing myself for what's next. And causing more frustration in the process. At church we learned that frustration comes from not being where we should be with God. I truly believe that could be the source of why I'm so confused at the moment. All the things that I was praying for have come to pass, however, with some things I'm still lost in the clouds. I know I'd like to say its them that I didn't want to see because of what they think of me right now. But just because that's what I think of myself doesn't mean that's how other people see me. I remember listening to my Joyce Meyer audio book and she says that we see ourselves through rose colored glasses. I so easily see all the "wrong" that I'm doing and nit pick and tear it apart.

    My communication skills with other people are not what I want them to be. And in stark contrast neither is my communication with myself or with God. Too many people are trying to tell me what they think is best instead of me listening to myself. I know what I want and no one's opinion should get in the way of that.

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

  • A Cry For Help

    What does it mean when a person keeps messing up but no one makes him take responsibility of what he does?
    And the mess ups keep happening. Totaling multiple cars and failing class after class. But its never "his fault" always someone else's. And yet no one understands why the person keeps doing these things.

    When you don't have to take responsibility for anything and other people keep fixing your problems for you, what is the point of growing up or doing better? Seriously, shouldn't a person fall on their face so that they can get better?

    Picking up the pieces isn't the answer anymore.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

  • Back to Life

    I've been absent from Xanga. But in the time since my last post things have changed for the better. I did my half marathon on March 21st. And I finished in 2:19. It was a great moment. But as I was running all I could think about was how much time I put into training and working up to 13.1 miles. It was exhilarating. I've been putting myself in more uncomfortable situations and thus taking more risks in the process. And just enjoying myself. I'm thankful that I don't feel as down as I did before. I love Xanga and miss it, but sometimes I'm not sure if I want to share so much personal stuff. I'll think about it for a while. I think I'll be back I'm sure. For now though this is a temporary see you later.....

TheOriginalImperial

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    • Name: Dana
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    • Member Since: 3/1/2005
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  • There's so much more than what you see..this is the story of my life, my trials my tribulations...but most of all this is the story of ME

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  • GRAVITY30
    How are you my friend? Where is your mind at today? I hope you are at peace right now. You are very special...you remind me of me, but in your case I've already made choices and is living them out. I'm married and I remember feeling the way you are before I got married. I can tell you that time
  • shere5502000
    thankx for u . i'm waiting for new nice pics from u have anice day tack care Ashraf